I can do it myself!
These words, confidently declaring personal achievement and independence, are reverberating inside my head.
I just spent several days with my three-year old grandson. Time and time again he declared his self-sufficiency –like when putting on his own shoes, climbing to the top of a rock formation or roasting his own marshmallow. For a toddler, the drive for independence is palpable.
Tomorrow is the Fourth of July—a holiday in the U.S. when we celebrate our independence as a nation. Self-determination and self-sufficiency are core values for us.
From an early age we are encouraged to be independent, to learn how to take care of and think for ourselves. It’s that grit that gets us through many life circumstances. It’s hard becoming independent, but in our western culture, it is normal.
I’ve reflected a great deal about the opposite pole of independence and what it means to become increasingly dependent. As maturing adults, we sometimes need assistance with various tasks. To me, it’s been a big deal to hire the lawn mowed or the house cleaned because shoulder and back pain keep me from doing it myself. I dread the day when I’ll need help with personal care or activities of daily life. My independence is something I’ve worked hard to achieve. I don’t want to lose it.
Ironically, dependence may, in fact, be even more difficult to learn than independence. It takes grace, humility and vulnerability to accept an extended hand offering help. Those who age with grace and dignity are actually the ones who understand that dependence is a gift. It is the opportunity to lean into the arms of family, faith communities – and God himself.
I love that my grandson wants to “do it” himself. Me too. But when opportunities arise, I want to be at least willing to learn the discipline of dependency. Of course, I’ll probably learn it the hard way – kicking and screaming.
Happy Fourth!
Written by Leona Bergstrom, Director, Re-Ignite
